Monday, 24 November 2014

Raining in Samunda

It's raining like a bitch over here. In Samoa it means a few things:

1. High number of babies that will be born 9 months from today. Possibly named Timuga, Matagi and Lolovaia.

2. A rise in sales for warm Vailima.

3. Lots of hot bread and koko samoa will be consumed.

4. Wet clothes will be ironed for work tomorrow.

5. The kids will be kept from school because a drop of rain could mean flu, and we don't have time and money for a doctor's visit and panadol.

6. If you do have money for the doc, your child is probably out in the puddle getting ringworm and all other sorts of shit.

7. Value Village second hand jumpers and cardigans are selling like hotcakes. And worn before being washed.

8. You wish you fixed your car window, and now have a shower curtain covering it from the rain.

9. You wish you had an air con car because its bloody hot in here, and you're tired of wiping the mist off the windshield with your hand.

10. You wish you brought a freakin umbrella because now you're stuck in your office writing this post and wondering how to run from the office to the bus stop 1 mile away.

Sunday, 16 November 2014

Shit day #359652

Having a S.H.I.T day. Today trumps all shit days this year.

I seriously think there are jealous shets out there to get me. Is it because I'm pretty? I'm smart? I'm sleeping with your husband? Or your wife?? WHAT THE FARK IS IT. Well it's none of those, obviously lol kae.

Some stupid cow sent an email to my boss complaining about my unprofessionalism. Oh no you didn't. Initial reaction. To get in my car, drive over there and nail the bitch to a lamp post. But of course, I am not a violent person. Never hurt a fly. So I smiled, and explained to my boss what reeeeally happened, and not the over exaggerated twist she put on it. Of course my boss believes me. I think. Shet, does she? Maybe I walked out of her office and she moved my name up in her little black book. Or called someone to say "You're right I shouldn't have hired this dumbo."

Ok rant over. So inconsequential, compared to, say, the freakin crocodile cake the kid wants for her birthday tomorrow. And the box of chilly chocs she wants to go with it, for her class. Plus the barbie present. Tallying all this up, and...kefs.

That is all.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Rugby woes...can you blame them

So Manu Samoa 15s players threatening to go on strike and boycott their next game with England. They wrote a letter to IRB expressing their concerns over Samoa Rugby Union administration...or should I say "a series of misgivings" as one paper put it. Nothing in detail, but you can bet your Aunt Fanny it's to do with not enough pay, shortage of proper playing gear, receiving gear 10 minutes before games etc.

Never ending story this one. SRU is infamous for its atrocious governance. The place is a veritable sin city. They've been through a long line of administrators who've abused resources, drank on the job, and misappropriated funds. They say the latest CEO should not be blamed, he's a LAWYER. He actually has a DEGREE. So farking what. Does he have integrity? Does he have the balls to stand up for the players grievances? Or is he just another snivelling coward with his head so far up the SRU President's arse that he can't make a decision for himself? It's not just him though, he's really a scapegoat too for a lot of the more pressing problems within the SRU. Apparently the players insist that other big wigs in SRU need to go. That they're all corrupt. Yeah tell us something new.

So, a whole lot of expression of opinion on FB about this one. Many saying the players are stupid for making a stand, this is not the channel to air their grievances. Well pardon me, where else will they go? To the PM? Ha, that's a joke. He'll call them worse names than stupid and send them back to the plantation. Or wait, no, the players aren't local. That's for another post. Some say don't let your personal agendas become more important than the country you swore loyalty to. Agree, it makes Samoa as a whole look bad. But again, when will changes ever be made if they don't take it to an international level?

The fact of the matter is, the boys don't get paid near enough. $100 a week. That's TALA. A Yazaki worker earns more, and these boys are in training every single day of the week. They are supposed to support their families with a hundred bucks? Come on. 15s players in international games get more, but most of them play in clubs overseas and get triple, quadruple that. And they give it up to play for their country. Well I say their country needs to give a bit more instead of coaching from the comforts of their faleo'o and rubbishing the team when they don't win. They don't get their full gear. Yet there are gear where is the gear going? You tell me. God I could go on.

Bah. SRU deserves to be blasted in the media for being what they really are. A corrupt organisation full of old men with pipe dreams and a liking for pocketing sponsors money.

Play on boys.

10 things I wish I had known

Was just reading a random article on Huffpost Women, on the 10 things I wish I had known when I was 21.

1. Don't compare yourself to others. Really? I thrive (and break down) on comparing myself to others. All that rubbish on "don't measure yourself on other people's success" don't sit well with me. If she's (and I'm still talking about my woman crush here) got an MBA, I'm gonna make damn sure I get me a PhD. One of those ones you buy online. If she has model children with perfect teeth and smooth white skin, well I'm gonna find me a donor who can give me Aryan looking malnourished kids. Hey, I know someone who actually did that. Ok sidetracked. I can't help but compare myself to others. It's the driving force in my life. Bleh.

2. Don't feel like you have to have it all figured out. I never had this problem. I never figured out anything, and still haven't. And that is why I still live with my parents and wait for mum to cook me dinner. And pay the bills. And feed my kids.

3. Listen to your mom when she tells you that having more than five drinks a night is not healthy or normal. OMG she NEVER told me that! That makes me a little angry. I could have stopped the shameful nights of dancing on the table and sleeping with random men a long time ago if mum had told me. Not.

4. You can relax a little; you don't need to do it all. The thing is, I do need to do it all. Cos if I don't, who will? The never-ending saga of a single mom.

5. You're smart. Yes I is.

6. Don't straighten your hair or wear fake tanner every day. Not applicable to me. Obviously. Fai aku le meauli ae.

7. Enjoy young love because it's so sweet. But don't put everything on that relationship. Too late. I did. And see where that ended up. And then did it again. And same thing. I think I wanna be a lesbian.

8. Practice saying no. No. There, enough practice. If I had said no from the time I was 21 to now at 26, I would probably not had 2 of my 3 children, still working at BAT, and still a size 2. Aue'e.

9. Don't take your parents and family issues onto yourself. Tell that to a Samoan and good luck. Parents and family issues go hand in hand with breathing. You could try to separate them, but be sure you have a one way ticket somewhere faaaar.

10. Stop obsessing over guys. Claim your own self worth. I never obsessed over guys. They obsess over me. Uh huh. Pugi.

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Fitness freakery

Samoa has been hit by ebola. Of sorts. Ebola of the fitness freaks. It's a serious disease which has struck almost every household, except mine, thank God we are all immune.

There's boot camp, circuit, tabata, zumba, mt vaea, palisi, paddling and all these other ebola strains going on. There's a shortage of ankle socks and knee length ladies tights as a result. And water. The blasted seawall is filled with these sick people walking, running, star jumping. I can't even have a leisurely drive and see the boats out yonder because of this bloody eyesore. Gym selfies. Please for the love of %#@*! stop.

Sao ai le makou housegirl "ia ua fafao fafao kou guku kou omai koe kolegi." Juhuuu!

Ia ga. Short story from a jealous fatso.

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Eh ia I'm here

Didn't go anywhere. Just got caught up in umm life I suppose.

In short:

I turned 33 last month. In the words of Eduardo from that Filipino series which every Samoan and his dog fervently follows every Wednesday on TV1 at 9pm, "Oh My Gutt!" And summed up by this random song we all used to hear on 2AP back in 1983, "Ua sau le pogisa, aue ta lelava..." But on a positive note, I am still alive. Not many binge drinkers and chain smokers can say that. Ai a ua leva ga sosolo le cancer kokogu o le kigo a la e "I'm still alive!" Faapea le cancer "not for long, bitch." Ha!

The kids birthdays are coming up. Alofa mai seisi laka bank account please.

Two nights in a row, this has happened. Night 1- I felt something in my hair like a spider. I brushed it off, got up from the bed and saw a gigantic centipede. Fark. Night 2 - felt something crawling on my leg. Another gifarkingnormous centipede. Hmmm. It's a sign. A sign that great blessings are coming my way. Or...a sign that I need to stop sleeping on the farking floor. And buy more mortein. And on both occasions (Gigi and I sleep on the mattress on the floor), I jumped up and ran. And then came back cos I remember I had a sleeping child on the mattress. Yes, when in life-threatening situation, abandon all children and run.

I'm taking these pills for something. Not important what it is. The important thing is the bloody side effects. I'm depressed all the time. Suicidal sometimes. Crying constantly. Ok. Wait. That's the normal me. Seriously though. What the crap is happening to me. But it's ok - its making me blog lol that's gotta be something.

Have you ever been jealous of someone, like insanely jealous, and for no real valid reason? Yeah I'm going through that too. So there's this girl. She's more successful, killer job, perfect family husband and kids out of Women's Day, nice cars (yes that is very important to me), talks like she was born in a text book. Like literally talks with words I can't even pronounce, let alone spell correctly to type into google. And she's an academic. I see her every day and think goddammit I wanna be her. I want her smarts, her job, her money and her photogenic pretty kids. The husband, I can find a better one. But everything else, my gosh. I follow her on FB. And Instagram. And soon I'll be tailing her car in real life. I'm fast approaching stalker level. Help. If she was pretty, it could be understandable. But she's not, I'm like waaay prettier.

I don't know where that was going. I freak myself out just reading that.

I better take another antidepressant.