Thursday, 31 July 2014

Once a day it is

So I promised the Inconsistent Blogger that I too would write a blog a day. Good luck, that means half of it will be rubbish, cos I only get spurts of intelligent writing like once a week, if that.

It's Fridayyyy. Here's what's going down baby.

Get sloshed at fiesta, crawl to Sheeshas for more sloshing, and end a fabulous night wiping down the club x floor with my skirt, before speeding to maccas to eat 2 big macs and feeling immensely sorry for myself and my purse the following not what is going to happen. Unfortunately.

I'm looking for a flat. My budget is $500 - $700 a month. I'm not fussy, obviously given my budget. As long as it has walls and a roof.

Oooh I got a facial done today. My face is still reeling from being raped.

Ok would love to write more but it's 5pm and I need to rush home for no particular reason.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Love your kids

Hot case in court at the moment. 

19 year old girl, extremely intoxicated, crashed her car killing 2 boys. She pleads not guilty to manslaughter. She denies she was driving her car.

Seriously. Who the fuck was driving, the third gunman on the grassy knoll? Come on defense, try another one. The other passenger who survived testified she was driving, not to mention the numerous witnesses.

My two sene. Plead guilty and do the time. Stop prolonging it for these poor boys' families. Even if she goes free, it will be on her conscience forever. She owes it to their memory to tell the truth. 

A lesson here. Take better care of your kids. Just because you're rich, doesn't mean you let your kids drive your car to go out and get drunk with their friends. Not to be judgemental (too late) but the girl's parents are ultimately responsible for the fuck up their daughter is in. If they put the necessary controls in place, none of this would have happened. What is to become of our children, if we allow them to do whatever the hell they want? Show them your love by being responsible parents.

Shit day

I am having a shit day.

I feel ugly. And fat. I know, that's like every day but today is ten times worse. My eyebrows haven't seen a tweezer or wax strip for months. My hair is almost completely grey. Pores the size of small craters. Jesus I just described Ekuale. With a dress on, and slightly less smell of urine.

I feel unloved. And lonely. Well. Most ugly fat people do, don't they.

My legs are aching. Whose bright idea was it to walk on the seawall yesterday anyway.

I had lamb chops and mash for lunch. Swimming in oil and the promise of a clogged artery.

I've almost finished watching first season of Black List, which I lurve. Is there life after that, I don't know and scared to find out.

My co worker is annoying me. Ain't nobody got time for dramas and subservience.

It's Wednesday and my social calendar is empty. I'm only 25, this can't be happening.

Please God give me a better day tomorrow and a voucher to Misiluki day spa to keukeu the no nice.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

The losing battle

I need to lose weight. Story of my life. Tired of crash diets, there's gotta be a better way. I need some abs and a tight ass. Dear God that's all I ask for. Pretty please.

The obstacles:

Gyms. I. HATE. GYMS. Gyms are for the brave. And the skinny. And the rich. Cos let's face it. The people who go to gyms are skinny, decked up in jewellery and nike gear. I have never seen another person like me at the gym. You know, smoking hot and all. Ok, the unco one in a baggy tshirt and coin save tights.

Takeaway dinners. I can't give it up. I owe it to Chickalicious to keep them in continuing to buy 4 piece dinner packs.

Fanta. I love you. We will never part.

Work. It's too close to Farmer Joe, Burger Bills, Nellas and Fias bbq. Shet, I'm surrounded and helpless.

Friends. Always shouting me lunch. Sigh. Why guys? Why do you do this to me?

Ok losing weight. Never gonna happen. Moving on....

Monday, 21 July 2014

Tuesday thoughts for the recycle bin

So over the bullshit. This place is rife with it. Stop smiling in my face while your knife is stuck in my back.

A former work colleague of mine died yesterday. Very sad. She was only in her early 40s. What a fragile hold we have over our mortality. And the domino effect it has on your family. I can't imagine what my kids would do if something happened to me. Nobody to yell at them, poor things. 

Last minute. Work. Requests for money. Ads for tomorrow's paper. Calls that cash power is finished. Milk has run out. Kefs. 

I quit drinking last year. By God I don't know how I survived but I am dying for a farking drink. 

Separation in progress. Not much difference from married life because he was never home anyway. Kids are ok, that's the main thing. 

Still baking a bit. I think my creative streak has hit a curveball though. I've had two complaints in the last month. Fark me. Quality taking a dive because I just find no joy in it except getting paid for it. No good.

Yeah that's it. Wax on, wax off. 

Sunday, 20 July 2014

New gadget can't work it

I got a new laptop today yay. A macbook air. Brand new, so sleek and purrdy. The novelty soon wore off after I set it up and turned it on and then was like whaaa the faaak. What do I do now? Where's the Start thingy? Where's Microsoft Office? Where the fark is the mouse scroll thing? Jesus. Turned it off and will try again tomorrow haha.  

Getting that urge for a baby again

Friends are getting pregnant. I'm jealous. I never thought I'd see the day when I would say "I really want to have another baby." Seriously. Why would I even? I already have 3 kids who drive me up the wall every farking day, do I really need to add to the chaos? Not to mention the expense, these bloody kids can sure pack it away, plus school fees and the amount of toilet paper they go through ha!

So now the youngest devil is 4 years old. She's such a big baby, still drags her speech, pretends she can't write her numbers, gives big smiles and bear hugs to get away with murder, and likes to sleep on my lap. Of late, I've felt a maternal pang, and I suddenly yearn for another baby.

Yes I am running solo, but there is no lack of donors in town, let me just put that out there lmao.

I got pregnant three months ago. I was sick as a dog from day 1. Combined with being at home, broke and depressed. Two months later, I had a miscarriage. Just one of those things I guess, just woke up one night and blood everywhere. Needless to say, I became more depressed and felt more sorry for myself than ever. Luckily I got a job a week later and it has helped me to get over myself. On the bright side at least we know I'm still fertile :)

So yeah. Still wanting another baby. All in good time I suppose.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Kids say the damndest things

Ok my first kid post. Some memorable comments from the mouths of babes.

"Do you have enough money to buy me a milkshake or is it too expensive? Bet you didn't know I know the word expensive, ah Mummy?" - 5 year old

"I know you have a boyfriend, I don't know why you bother trying to hide it when I hear you giggling away on the phone in the room. And in the dark!" - 8 year old (don't know what she's on about, and hey, who's the adult here anyway)

"Grandma when you die, I get the TV ok?" - 5 year old
"Yeah well when she dies, I get the remote, so good luck trying to turn on the TV" (evil laugh) - 8 year old

"I don't want to go to school anymore. The teacher always eats my lunch" - 4 year old

"Grandma can you read me a book? Mummy won't read to me cos she's busy getting ready to go out. AGAIN." - 5 year old

"Mummy can you PLEASE pay my school fee? It's 5 weeks overdue." - 8 year old.

"My mummy works to get money to feed us and buy all the things we need. My daddy works to go to JP's bar." - 8 year old.

Writing vs job

Gosh so many controversial issues I want to write about. But I work for a bloody newspaper now, so if my colleagues or boss (God forbid) happen across my blog, it won't be pretty. OR they might promote me to editor. Ha. So I'll stick to bland topics like world peace, and government corruption (which my newspaper is all for), and horoscopes and oh my kids how can I forget them, the bane of my existence. Pretty limited, but once I've befriended bribed all my work mates, then I can start being the real me and writing whatever the hell I want lol.

But can I just say that I love my job. It's my dream job seriously. Wait. I said that about my last job and look how that panned out. Bleh. Ok let's give it 3 months. In the meantime, I should get back to work aye.  

Get iced for cancer

So the ice challenge fad is going around. Get doused with ice, simulating chemotherapy and support cancer. Right. Skeptics say what's the point, it's just a waste of ice when you could use that money to donate to cancer research. Well actually, you get iced AND you donate AND you possibly get pneumonia AND everyone on Facebook gets to watch you make a fool of yourself. Or die like that idiot who got sloshed and then got iced. So I guess it's meaningful somehow.

I'm doing the ice challenge tomorrow. Club X is having an ice challenge. I'm all for the cause, dude. And the free beer.

Thursday, 10 July 2014

Whatever happened to growing up like a normal kid

Couple of pet peeves I have with the way kids are growing up these days.

Tino is 8 years old. She hates wearing short shorts, and when I try to make her wear them (I don't care if they're too short now after you've worn them for the past 5 years, Mr Lavalava hasn't got any specials on right now), she throws them at me (never mind the behaviour, we'll discuss that in another post). And then I see other little girls of similar age and in their teens. Skimpy little shorts that barely hide their ass cheeks. Tight little tops. Tell me mothers, why do you let your daughters dress like little tarts? Like little girls who just can't be bothered being 10 anymore and just want to be 21 already and walking the streets. Seriously. If you are trying to relive your glory days on the Matautu wharf through your 10 year old child, dude, please, just stop. Let your kid grow up morally sound, with dignity, and self worth, and without the eyes of every creep on her uncovered thighs. I love that my kid hates wearing short shorts, a two piece or anything revealing. That's the way it should be. Until she's 50.

When your kid starts taking Facebook more seriously than say, doing her homework, you react in one of two ways. You breathe a sigh of relief and thank God that your child is a normal 12 year old who is on her way to having a steady social life and boyfriend. Yay! Or you think "Oh. Hell. No. Ain't no child of mine gonna be addicted to taking a selfie every ten minutes, making stupid duck faces, and calling her friends twinnie when there isn't the remotest resemblance between them." Parents need to take more of the second reaction. Get a hold of your child. She has plenty of time to grow up, no need to rush things. My aim is for my daughters to grow up enjoying their childhood, reveling in the simple things, and not caught up in the materialism and social fakeness which is fast becoming the norm for kids from a young age.

Phones are now allowed in schools? Why? Why do you give your kids phones anyway? If you're saying it's for emergencies, and so that your kids can call you, don't kid yourself. There are never any emergencies and your kids never call you. Your kids are using those phones to contact their friends, viber, whatsapp, facebook, whatever. As far as I'm concerned my child is in school to learn, interact with other students, eat her lunch (and possibly someone elses) and go home when the bell rings. That's it. No stupid phones and taking selfies at lunchtime and texting during class.

Yeah. Come on parents, spend a little more time and effort on making sure your kid is growing up right. And I shall try to take a page out of my own book lol.