SIDS galore

I'm feeling sorry for myself cos I'm not directly involved in SIDS. I'm making money from it, sure, but I'm not like losing sleep and posting up that I just got accredited and attending today's plenary session, took a selfie with the nz police, checked Barbara Dreaver through customs blah blah blah.

And I'm only feeling sorry for myself cos my friends are all involved and I'm bored. Nobody to go on a maccas run with. Nobody to go and bug and force to watch The Other Woman with at ungodly hours of the morning. They're all doing airport runs, manning information booths, running the whole goddamn show, supplying the flowers for the venue, taking their guests from overseas sightseeing, pub crawls during teuila festival.

Pity party aside, Samoa is absolutely amazingly beautiful right now. Every road a UN delegate or Ban Ki Moon is likely to drive on, has been transformed, decorated with flags made of ieie, signs saying "Enjoy your staying in Samoa" and "We love you SIDS". The roads have been tar sealed again. And all the roads Helen Clarke will not be travelling on, good luck and may your potholes stay forever. Flags of all UN nations including coca cola lining the streets. Lights on and trees decorated cos hello it's xmas. Hashtags filling your newsfeed #soproudofmysamoa #sids2014 #haven'tsleptin48hours. Cops every bloody where you look. And my god some hot ones too. Where have they been hiding all my life? Ok sidetracked. Apia. Beautiful. Let's hope everyone keeps their toilets clean after everyone goes back and not just for this two week period.

And on that note, I'm at work on a effing Sunday #SIDSmoko

Lazy Post koe argen

A few more days before SIDS starts. Everyone is in a rush to get things ready. Airport pick ups. Road works. Logistics. Landscaping. Decorating. Planning planning planning. 

And where am I? 

Here. Wondering what to have for lunch today. The tuna salad or the toastie? What a bloody dilemma. 

Other less interesting happenings:

Have been spending more time with the kids instead of my imaginary lover (that's right, you were thinking it kae). I've discovered how advanced Elita's reading and spelling is. She's reading like a speedster and she's only in Year 1. I'm like "No you can't read this, it's too hard." Well pardon me if she read the entire 30 page book by herself. Jeezus, where have I been? Thanks Grandma. The other two however are lazy baboons, and only when wielding the salu lima do they get off their arses and do some work. G says "Ok okaaay I'll do my writing just don't fasi me ok? Just don't." Tino is reading "Are you there God, it's me Margaret" by Judy Blume. Was one of my all time faves 20 years ago when I was 6 lol. She's loving it too. In the world of mathematics which is very important to me because (1) they are all going to be doctors (2) my maths always sucked and I still use my fingers to add stuff (3) kids in Arts were always considered the less intelligent ones and coming from an Arts background I completely agree. SO. Mental note to work on their Maths...or hire a tutor or we'll all be counting on our fingers for the rest of our lives. 

I've been working on my 5 year plan. Yeah. Still working on it. My motto is "One day at a time, sweet Jesus." I do however want to complete the following over the next 5 years (carried forward from the last 5 years shuddup): take the girls on a long overdue holiday even if it's to Savaii, as long as it's more than 5 metres from the house, start (and finish) my law degree just to have LLB at the end of my name, have two more kids hopefully a boy in there somewhere and these 3 are old enough to babysit thank you, write the bloody book I've been toying with in my head even if it kills me (Lani and Sieni inspire me and incite envy in me - and jealousy is a great motivation ha), build my house - stuff the "dream house", just any bloody house with 4 walls will do me just fine, just please i need a safe haven, expand the baking business - there's certainly money in it and eventually I want to build a complex in front of the house at Siusega with a bakery, juice bar and noodle box. Just ideas and with my lottery winnings I will make it happen yessir. 

Ok still on the kids, I have decided to move them next year to St Marys. This whole idea of private schools providing the best education is rubbish. I see nothing come out of Tino's current schooling. Elita's however is pretty amazing. I thought perhaps move all 3 to Peace Chapel next year, but money talks and sugar daddies are hard to come by and the real daddy remains useless. 

Enough talk for today, it's only Tuesday laa leai gi kala e faia kaeao. 

Smart little shet

So G broke a window today. She was rocking the chair against the window, and of course, the window couldn't withstand the 40kg weight and cracked.

Conversation went like this:

Me: "You broke the window!! See this is what happens when you play too much." (bad logic save it for another day)

G: "Sowwy Mummy"

Me: "That's not good enough. Are you going to pay for the new window? Do you have money to pay for it? Huh?" (Really? She's only 4 years old for crying out loud)

G: "Yes I have money."

Wui wui - pe talk back mai le aunty lea.

Me: "Oh really? Well show it to me then."

G walks away.

Comes waddling back holding her piggy bank. Full of foreign coins.

Ah shet. Shuddup loa ma Mummy.

I mean, just look at that kuluku smile. How can I resist? Lol.

A typical day as a princess

Wake up and wipe the saliva off my face. Why can't I wake up looking like I just came out of a salon? #uglygirlproblems lol. Then kick the 3 inert bodies next to me to get up and get ready for school. Then close my eyes again while they shower, dress and feed themselves and sit in the car to wait while princess gets ready.

Then I get to work and start on the difficult task of facebookery. So I've finished "liking" every status on my FB newsfeed, even though 3/4 of them weren't even semi interesting. Seen all the newborn babies. Deciphered your status and realised you actually haven't been together with your girlfriend for months. Sat riveted while you told me how so very busy you are with SIDS and will it ever end? You must be the hardest working person in SIDS! And then those cryptic messages you are posting on your friend's wall. Why? Why can't you fucking private message them? Save me the hassle of trying to guess what you meant, and were you talking about ME? Because the only reason why you posted it up in public was for us to read. Oh and one more thing. We know it's your first child. But for god's sake we don't need to see a pic every time she opens her eyes, lifts a finger, smiles, poops. Save it for flickr. Just put up the really cute ones, where you're guaranteed to get 100 likes and a heap of "omg she's soooo adorable!" comments. And if your child is ugly, well, ok shut up Nydia.

Following this extremely fruitful exercise, the rest of the day is just a blur, and whatsapp and then omg it's 5pm already?! Then I make my way home to sit around in a vegetable state and wonder whose children these are running circles around me and whining that they're hungry. Didn't your parents think to make you any food?? Well since they haven't, kakala aku se apa elegi e ai, cos ain't nobody got time for a gourmet meal after the long day I've had working my ass off.

Ia fa soifua ua lava lea pepelo mo lenei aso tofi.

Lazy Post #3

I have a million posts in draft. Ok maybe just 3.

In summary of those posts:

Went to Latin's dad's funeral in Saigon (Sagone) last week. Mad rush with 4 other mad people to get on the 8am boat, have a great breakfast at Savaiian hotel (thank you for the extra eggs), and speed to Saigon to make the lotu at 12. Magaia le sauniga lotu a si toeaina o Vaitulia. Nothing like your funeral to make people find out what kind of person you were in life. Latin was hilarious with his molimau "Mo lo outou silafia, o au o Alatina le atalii faafafine a Ioelu." Meanwhile the ladies behind us were like "o ai foi si toeaina lea ua maliu?"...auuuu free funeral food! Anyway, mad dash back to Salelologa to make the 4pm boat, quick stop at Burger Bills to park in front and eat our funeral food much to the annoyance of the BB staff.

Had the weekend from hell. No details, but I have burn marks, chocolate stains and a strained back to show for it. Sounds raunchy. Either I had amazing chocolate sex all weekend or I was baking 40 cakes. Take your pick.

Work is going along smoothly. I haven't screamed at anybody yet, and it's been 3 months on the job. Miracle right?

Everyone busy with SIDS conference happening at the end of the month. 16 more days! Talk of the town. Will the venue be ready in time? Is there enough accommodation? Are there even enough people coming? Has the dog management unit got all the strays under control? Have they grown enough grass on the venue to make it look like they didn't just start building it yesterday? Have they recruited enough people from the church to work on the landscaping? Are there enough barely visible banners hanging from every lamp post? Oh the pressure.

In other news, it's the freakin weekend. I'm going to spend it in a hotel somewhere with my feet up. Feet not legs. Whatever.

Cake woes #754

So I promised my friend that I would make like the best superhero cake everrrr for his 7 year old son. That was like 3 months ago. The birthday has arrived. Like. Tomorrow. And I have no farking idea what to do! Motherkefs. I had big dreams for a three tiered cake of Superman, Batman and Spiderman with Hulk fist on the top. But bleh I can't make fondant to save my life. Now it's a sheet cake. Lord help me I'll be up all night shitting myself. And googling and pinteresting.

Pics of the nightmare to be posted up some day never. Good laaak.

Daily post fail already

Well that was a fail wasn't it. Haha! Never make promises on a Friday...shuddup Goddess.

My excuse.

I was the victim of a kidnapping by 3 children, god knows who owns them (well half of them anyway haha juhu). I was made to stay home and make banana smoothies. I had to google the recipe. What? That's what maccas is there for. And then watch Pirate Fairy three times straight, before the cash power finished and we spent the rest of the afternoon vigorously fanning ourselves because it was so bloody hot, the electric fan not working OBVIOUSLY and I was waiting for someone to pick up their cake (melting in the fast defrosting fridge) so I could use the money to buy cash power.

On Sunday I was victim yet again. Of povi masima, faiai fe'e, and fried chicken. Need I say more? I needed a 5 hour nap just to recover from that one.

Is that a valid enough excuse? Lol.